The Hurt of “How to” Get Pregnant

Many people have been quick to offer us advice on what we need to do in order to get pregnant. I know we are not the only one who receives similar advice. Whether it’s fertility-based or not, people always want to be the first to offer advice in hopes of fixing the problems of others. With today’s technology, we can search “how to” do almost anything – from mundane to monumental, and from silly to shocking.

Giving advice is so common that there are hundreds of articles floating around the internet with titles similar to, “Things not to say to someone going through infertility.” Some words of advice that might fall on those lists of what to say include:

Just ‘stop trying’ or just ‘relax’
Go on vacation
Adopt
Try a specific diet
Go to acupuncture
Do IVF

If you don’t know our story, we have felt called to wait on the Lord since we received our diagnosis. We stopped doing anything in the natural to make this happen back in August 2013 and instead have put all of our faith and trust in God. And my response to those recommendations mentioned above? Our whole journey has been a “break”. We travel several times a year. We eat healthy as our lifestyle. And for the record, adoption is never a band-aid for infertility. It doesn’t heal the wound, but I believe it must be something you have a heart and passion for aside from the ability to conceive.

I have nothing but grace to give for these situations and posted about that here. Grace upon grace, because people have no idea how hurtful there words can be. I know they are just trying to help out. They mean well and they offer advice because they want to fix our problem. I too have been that person who has tried to help others with my own advice, so I am just as guilty.

Now to the point. Why do we want people to stop telling us what to do to get pregnant? No, not because it is hurtful. No, not because it’s frustrating. No, not because they truly have no idea. The REAL reason we want to stop hearing these comments is because it puts ALL the pressure on US. It tells us that we have to do something to make a baby. These comments come across as an if-then statement. “If you do this, then you will have a baby.” This is exactly the opposite of how Jesus works.

We will have a baby not because of something we do in the natural, but because of God working in the supernatural. Our babies will be a precious gift through His grace and love. Yes, we are called to be faithful, be obedient, and trust Him, but He doesn’t need us to earn our way to a baby. We also don’t need to go on vacation. We don’t need to try a certain diet. We don’t need to take a certain vitamin. While these are all great ideas, they are not ‘fixes’ to God blessing us with a child.

Again, there is so much grace for these comments said, but instead of making a suggestion of what you think we should do to conceive, we would prefer that you would pray and believe for our babies instead. Encourage us with scripture. Give us a prophetic word if you have one. Join us in not making this a works-based relationship with the Lord, but a love and grace based relationship with Him instead. Thank you for loving and supporting us in doing so!