Believe

Yesterday wasn’t the best day. Actually, let me take it back to Wednesday night. But before I share about Wednesday night, let me first remind you of something.

Colby and I have been believing for babies for just under 6 years. 6 years of praying and expecting. 6 years of believing that God will bring us many babies. 6 years of walking in faith.

Naturally, due to it being the end of the year, my expectancy always grows. My faith increases even more. My heart readies itself.

This has to be the month, right? Right, Lord?

That was my hope. Again, that is my hope every month, but even more so come December.

For 70 months I haven’t just believed in God, but I have had put my faith in the fact that he is a miraculous working God who will bless us with lots of miracle babies. We have acted on what we belive to be true, by painting our nursery, buying baby clothes, saving money and choosing baby names.

Let me explain something I think is important; believing and faith must go hand in hand. Believing is when you place your trust in God, but faith is different. Faith is when you act on that belief. Anyone can say they trust or believe in God, but do their actions or faith show for it?  Believing without faith and works is as good as dead. Right? You can believe a car will take you from point A to point B but if you don’t have faith that car will get you to point b and you don’t get in that car, then the car is meaningless, and therefore that belief is meaningless too. Same goes for believing in God. You might believe there is a God, but are you taking steps of faith to act on that belief?

Perhaps that was a tangent, but I wanted to explain.

Back to Wednesday night. Wednesday night I started my period. Which led to Thursday morning when I found myself quite frustrated with the situation.

I thought this was my time, Lord.

What you might not understand is how hard this journey is. Waiting and more waiting. Being reminded monthly that it’s another “not yet” month. I don’t express the struggle of my wait often because I don’t like to give focus to the trial I am in; I would rather give focus to the God who is sustaining me during my trial, but my reality? It’s really, really hard.

So in my disappointment and frustration and sadness, I had to make a decision, just as I have had to do for the past 70 months. What was I going to do? How was I going to respond? What route was I going to take; was I going to run to God or run away from him? Was I going to stay stuck in my disappointment or press in? Was I going to let unbelief takeover or continue to put my faith in God?

And you guessed it. I went back to what I knew was true. God is who he says he is and he will do what he says he will do. I acted on that belief by listening to my favorite sermon, prophetic words that have been given, worship music and reading truth. As much as I could feel the enemy laughing in my face, it wasn’t long after taking these actions that I was back up on my feet and re-infused with the hope I needed. Some of the declarations I made, paraphrased, were:

God’s word never returns null or void {Isaiah 55:11}
God is for me, not against me. {Romans 8:1}
Every word God has spoken will come to pass {Ezekiel 12:25}
God will turn my mourning into gladness and give me comfort and joy instead of sorrow {Jeremiah 31:3}
In due time I will reap my harvest if I don’t give up {Galatians 6:9}
God is the same yesterday, today and forever {Hebrews 13:8}
Every promise God has made is Yes and Amen {2 Corinthians 1:20}
And one that I really had to focus on? “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. {Isaiah 55:8-9}

I am choosing to believe that these scriptures along with every other promise in God’s Word are true. I am choosing to believe God in month 70 as much as I did in month 1. I am choosing to believe God on cycle day 1 {period day} just as I did during cycle day 2-28. I am choosing to believe that although the calendar year is changing, God’s promises are no less true in December than they were in January or any other month. I am choosing to believe that he is a good Father, who only has the very best in store for me. And I am choosing to believe that he will make me a joyful mother of many children. And my faith? I am going to keep taking a step of faith forward, every month, that this month will be the month. Because you know what? Eventually one month, when it is his perfect timing, my faith will be rewarded and I will find myself pregnant.

Believing isn’t always easy, actually it’s not easy at all, but it’s always worth it. If the enemy is trying to whisper lies in your ear or doubt and unbelief is starting to creep in, what are you going to do about it? The choice is always yours. But, my opinion? The best thing you can do is fill your mind with truth, by focusing on what his word says. You might be like me, tired of waiting, another year gone without your breakthrough. But God sees your faith and he will reward you. For without faith, it is impossible to please him {Hebrews 11:6}.

Do you believe? How are you going to act on what it is you are believing for?

PS. If you are going through infertility, please head over to join a faith-based support group I founded, Moms in the Making!

PPS. Have you picked up a copy of my book? Buy In Due Time, a 60-day devotional for hope + encouragement in the waiting.

PPPS. I created a group on facebook as an extension of my book + blog to discuss anything + everything. Women only! Come join us!

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