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A Letter to the Mom Who Didn’t Have to Wait

To the Mom who didn’t have to Wait,

I don’t understand what it’s like. I never will. It’s a foreign concept to me.

I don’t understand having a conversation with your husband regarding the timeline of when you want to have kids and it actually going according to your plan. I once thought that is how my story would be, but 4.5 years later and I can tell you it’s not that way for everyone.

4.5 years. Can you imagine waiting that long? The truth is, I don’t want you to imagine. It’s painful and it’s hard.

I’m writing because I want you to know how many women all over the world would do anything to be in your shoes, including me. Anything? Yes, anything. Spend tens of thousands of dollars. Inject medications in their bodies daily. Fly across country to see a better doctor. It’s not uncommon for their marriage to be on the line because of the turmoil that infertility brings. Or maybe they are like me, and are following God’s direction to be still and trust him for a miracle. Yet it’s been 56 months and there is still no miracle. Finances, dreams, hopes and desires are surrendered. And after that? So many are still waiting. The reality is 1 in 8 go through infertility and even after going through emotional, physical, spiritual and mental pain, as mentioned above, many women still go without a positive test or if they do, they miscarry, which leads to more waiting.

We are heartbroken. We are crushed. Our bodies are tired. Our minds are tired. Tired of it all.

To have a dream since childhood take so long is really, really hard. Especially knowing the same dream comes easy to so many. Add in not being able to leave the house without seeing the one thing desired, dreamed of, and hoped for and it’s really, really hard.

I am writing you to remind you to consider it a gift and a blessing that your story isn’t like mine. I am writing you to remind you that even on the hard days, there are millions who would trade you places in a second. I am writing you to remind you to be thoughtful of your words and maybe instead of complaining that it took you 3 months to conceive, consider it a blessing. Or instead of grumbling that you have 4 children of the same gender, consider it a blessing. Or maybe instead of grieving because you got pregnant so quickly with your 2nd, consider it a blessing.

Just like I will never understand what it’s like to get pregnant when I want, you will never understand what it’s like to wait. Our stories are different and I find peace in that. But whatever stage of motherhood you are in, please remember the moms in the making. There are women are all over the world who month after month and even year after year are told “not yet” and just like every other month, have to pick up the pieces, and hope that next month will be different. A month that will end with joy instead of a heartache. A month that will end with celebration, instead of tears. A month that will end with a positive pregnancy test, instead of a period.

While I can’t say I know how hard motherhood is, I have heard. Despite the exhaustion and the messy house and the kids that are driving you crazy, please know you are doing an amazing job and it’s a job so many, including myself, dream of having. I look up to you and respect you for having the hardest job in the world and despite how hard and tiring it is, I would do anything, yes anything, to be in your shoes.

Sincerely,

Caroline

A Letter to the Mom who didn't have to wait

My Prior Letters:

A Letter To Our Future Babies

A Letter to the Mom in the Making

A Letter to My Future “Mom” Self

PS. Order #induetimedevotional today

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39 Comments
  • Laura
    Posted at 09:57h, 30 November Reply

    Ok I am now crying at work because this was so beautiful and so spot on. You put words to how we all feel. We’re not bitter or hateful, we are just tired and weary. As usual, Caroline, thank you!

  • Amanda
    Posted at 10:10h, 30 November Reply

    This is a good reminder to not forget those who are waiting. I think about you and pray for you often! I’m sure it can be very hurtful to hear people say things like “It was so easy to get pregnant!” or complain that it took a few months. I do think it’s okay for people to be scared or upset because of an unplanned pregnancy. That’s their journey too, but we could all be more sensitive in the things we say and write, especially online. Lots of love to you!

  • Natalie
    Posted at 10:11h, 30 November Reply

    This letter couldn’t have been more beautifully written! Even though my wait is over, It encompassed every feeling I ever felt and more. I haven’t forgotten those feelings and never will. You are amazing friend, and I can’t wait for your miracle babies. We will be celebrating and praising Him with every ounce of our being. I can’t wait for that to come. Thank you for being such an encouragement to many and for continuing to encourage me. Love you ❤️

  • Susan
    Posted at 10:14h, 30 November Reply

    So beautifully & gracefully spoken from your heart…I will not lie I’m left choked up and wanting to reach through and hug you and everyone with children or trying so very tightly. ❤️

  • Patricia
    Posted at 10:16h, 30 November Reply

    Oh dear friend! Praying for your heart! Praying and standing with you for your miracle to become a reality! Can’t wait for that day to rejoice with you!

  • Amie
    Posted at 10:44h, 30 November Reply

    Oh all of this! While I don’t understand those who were able to get pregnant quickly either, after 4 years we did finally welcome our baby boy. Yes mother hood is super hard but I will never forget waiting for motherhood and will never forget you and the other ladies waiting to be mothers also. My prayers are for your miracles to come soon always.

  • Amanda
    Posted at 10:49h, 30 November Reply

    This might be the most beautiful thing I have ever read! Thank you so much for writing this ! I didnt mean to cry this ugly at work…

  • Rebecca Jo
    Posted at 11:25h, 30 November Reply

    My sweet friend that just had her 2nd baby talks about that – how hearing others stories of struggle, how blessed she is to have had 2 healthy babies so easily. I appreciated she acknowledges that.
    Makes me wonder how many things EVERYONE takes for granted. Standing, moving, running, walking… simple things that some can’t do.

  • Brittany
    Posted at 13:27h, 30 November Reply

    Caroline – you always have such a way with your words and I always feel like I connect with them although we’re going through different trials. I pray and hope for your miracle babies! I can’t thank you enough for sharing so much of yourself and your journey.

  • Tiffany
    Posted at 14:10h, 30 November Reply

    Always thinking about you my dear. Beautifully said.

  • Andrea
    Posted at 14:44h, 30 November Reply

    WOW! What a heartfelt note!

  • Kristy
    Posted at 15:40h, 30 November Reply

    This brought me to tears. I was a mom in the making for a time and yes, the pain of infertility is a force to be reckoned with. It’s so hard to explain. It’s hard not to be envious. You’d think those feelings would fade once you receive your miracle, and for the most part, they do. However, for me, and I know for manybothers, it still stings when “accidents”, or “first tries” happen. I am grateful that God answered our prayers in the manner in which He did and I can now be appreciative if the struggle, but like you said, it is so hard. My heart goes with you a drink every other couple longing to fill their arms. Thank you for this.

  • Tanika
    Posted at 16:23h, 30 November Reply

    I love love love this! I hear so many moms complain about their pregnancies or their journey of being a mom while in the back of my mind (or in my heart), I am thinking “I just want to BECOME a mom!” Thanks for sharing this with us!

  • Jeannette
    Posted at 17:29h, 30 November Reply

    I can’t imagine what people are going through struggling with infertility. We have to wait to have children financially and that is incredibly hard and heart breaking so I can only imagine how hard it is when you’re ready. thank you for this perspective.

  • CHARITY
    Posted at 19:47h, 30 November Reply

    This is absolutely beautiful! And it’s such an incredible job I trust that God will promote you very very soon.

  • Jojo
    Posted at 22:04h, 30 November Reply

    Brought me to tears. Always praying for your blessing Caroline.

  • Kelly
    Posted at 22:07h, 30 November Reply

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing so honestly. Praying for you and your future littles!

  • Sarah
    Posted at 23:08h, 30 November Reply

    Sweet Sister,
    Your pain is so real and raw. I love that you put this out there. I have suffered the heartache of having to wait for a child. I can tell you that no one can understand your pain unless they have lived it. I admire your faith in waiting for God’s timing for you to become a mother. How hard and painful it must be for you to see others receive the blessings of a baby and you still wait. I now have 3 beautiful children so I can honestly say that I can’t relate to the motherless and those who never conceive. But I can relate to not having my children in “my” time. Very painful. Everyone is on their own journey with God and I think it is important not to judge anyone. God is on the throne… right ? And He has enternal purposes for you as well as those who conceive easily. Who are you to say that their struggle is not as hard as yours?

  • Meredith
    Posted at 23:58h, 30 November Reply

    So so good Caroline! You speak for us all!

  • Starla Jimenez
    Posted at 11:43h, 01 December Reply

    I took me 4 years to get pregnant with my daughter and another 4.5 years to get pregnant with my son. Both miracles and a blessing. ((hugs)) to you friend.

  • Kristi
    Posted at 13:56h, 01 December Reply

    Waiting takes so many forms. My plans for having children did not follow the timeline we intended. two years passed and then a little longer. You’ve expressed much of what I felt during that time. And it is important for those that have children to remember the hearts of their friends who are longing for this too.

  • Tara
    Posted at 22:21h, 01 December Reply

    Nothing every worked out in my timeline. I can tell looking back that God’s timeline was MUCH better than mine. I too wonder about those that can make plans and just have them happen. They are lucky, but I know I am just as blessed (or more) following God’s perfect plan.

  • Grace
    Posted at 07:36h, 02 December Reply

    While I have never tried for a baby yet as still being a newly wed, I can tell you this is my biggest fear. As a family counselor I have spent a lot of time working with women who are going through infertility. I will definitely be returning to your website to see what else you have to offer. Thank you for this.

  • Missy
    Posted at 10:33h, 02 December Reply

    Caroline,
    Thank you so much for your bravery and vulnerability to share your story of hope. These words reflect our “moms in the making” feelings perfectly. Our stories are different and we can consider ourselves blessed to be chosen as the 1 in 8, even though some days it can feel like a curse. The Lord is good and I’m glad we can still find ways to choose joy even in the waiting.

  • Kelly @ Southern Komfort Blog
    Posted at 11:32h, 02 December Reply

    This is very good, Caroline!

  • Holly S
    Posted at 21:11h, 02 December Reply

    Beautifully written, thank you! . My husband and I have been in the “waiting room” for a baby for over 9 years. I got so fixated on the why ,Lord? How come not us? Then I went to when Lord? Praying we would be next, patiently waiting. We even decided to adopt domestic or international, we didn’t care as long as we could love a child. It didn’t get easier and I dont have the right words to make it better but for me I stopped focusing on the answer of “WHEN” and focused on HIM. I got out of the roller coaster line of waiting and I chose to see it it through His eyes. That this hardship, thorn in my side, infertility, would be my biggest blessing . I’m not set aside,, I’m set apart. And I want His story for my life. It’s not a easy , always sunny story, it’s a hard , its a messy story but , its His story for my husband and I. There is freedom in it. There is truth , healing, and help. And HIM, Jesus. So in Oct. we decided to become foster parents. So Jan 2017 we will start classes to become licensed foster parents. And I tell you I am so overcome with joy and a peace I have not ever known !
    I pray you will not have to wait any longer .

  • Jenn
    Posted at 22:05h, 04 December Reply

    This is your best post

  • Cynthia
    Posted at 18:29h, 05 December Reply

    Beautiful. I can come rely relate. Although I am a mother now, I once thought I would never see my dream come true. I experienced an ectopic pregnancy where they gave me very low chances of being able to have another baby. But by the grace and miracle of God, he blessed me with a beautiful and healthy baby girl a year later. I’ll be praying for you and for your miracle. Blessings!

    Cynthia
    cynthiaedeltoro.blogspot.com

  • Becca
    Posted at 21:19h, 05 December Reply

    Caroline,
    Thank you for being open and honest. One of my dearest friends is struggling with waiting to become a mother, and while I can’t understand her pain, I cry with her. I feel guilty, because I have kids and she doesn’t. I had a hard time when I found out I was pregnant with my second: not because I wasn’t ready, but because I asked God, “Why me, and not her?” So from a Mom who didn’t have to wait, to one who does; my heart is with you, and there is little that I wouldn’t give, if I could make you a mother. <3

  • Lily
    Posted at 13:28h, 06 December Reply

    Oh Caroline…you hit the nail on the head with this one.
    I can totally relate to this…it’s so spot on, well written, and perfect!
    I am so tired of waiting…to the point of I just want to give up. Thank you for this!

  • Carla Lewis
    Posted at 15:42h, 06 December Reply

    Thank you so much for this! It perfectly states what I want to say to so many mothers who it seems all they can do is complain. As hard as motherhood is, I respectfully have asked some of these moms to imagine life without their little ones. That thought is much, much more painful than not being able to shower for a week, or recovering from a c-section, or throwing up every day from morning sickness.

  • Kelli
    Posted at 12:02h, 14 December Reply

    So beautifully written, Caroline. I’ve had so many of the same thoughts. You’re so graceful and articulate 🙂

  • Kelly
    Posted at 08:57h, 21 December Reply

    I am both of these women. My first was a welcome surprise, and I remember feeling a huge sense of gratitude and relief that we didn’t have to struggle. When she was 20mos, we were ready for our second. We had 3 miscarriages and unexplained infertility for 4 yrs before our twins were born. Never lose hope!

  • Megan Petschel
    Posted at 08:50h, 25 January Reply

    So perfectly written! I had tears in my eyes as I read it. I find myself resenting moms who take for granted the incredible blessing/s they’ve been given. Getting pregnant seems like the highest mountain to climb. I am so scared it will never happen. It almost feels like a foreign concept!

    You have expressed every word and more that has been sitting on my heart 💜 Thank you

  • InSeason Mom Cynthia
    Posted at 09:16h, 03 February Reply

    This morning a friend shared your post w/me to offer you encouragement. I married at 40, conceived naturally and gave birth at ages 42 and 44 to two healthy babies. God used my testimony to start InSeason Mom, which features success stories of first time moms over 35 and 40. This is my personal invitation to you to visit http://inseasonmom.org/ Be encouraged my sister!

  • Hannah Towe
    Posted at 09:58h, 03 February Reply

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your heart. <3 I have been waiting too, and the pain is so intense. This year, faster than we could process the devastating loss and two emergency surgeries, our four babies went to heaven straight from my womb. This week, my husband and I came to the end of extensive testing. No abnormalities have been found. We have no idea what comes next, and we do trust in the Lord-somehow those words fall short of describing what it's really like to lay our shattered hearts and my broken body at the feet of Jesus. I think you understand that struggle.

  • Ariel Jensen
    Posted at 16:11h, 02 March Reply

    Beautiful!

  • Monica
    Posted at 14:13h, 26 April Reply

    Beautiful!!!
    So spot on. It took us over 5 years to finally have our bundle of joy. Reading your letter brought back so many of those memories when I just wanted to give up, the Lord wouldn’t let me and now we have 2 beautiful souls to take care of.

  • Leah
    Posted at 21:34h, 18 May Reply

    Thank you for the reminder. Beautiful, I’m so sorry about your struggle.

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