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Filled With Grace

Many people have offered us advice over the past 2+ years for ways to get pregnant. I know there are many other friends who are in the same position; waiting to expand their family and constantly getting a word of wisdom here or there from others. Some of the people who offer us advice know what we are going through and some have no idea. The list could go on and on, but some include:

  • Take a vacation
  • Just quit trying
  • Just relax
  • Eliminate certain foods
  • Add certain foods
  • Adopt

I’m just as guilty of speaking out, not realizing how my words might affect someone; whether it’s a family member or stranger, we are all completely guilty of this. I even reflect on the past month and think of how many times I said something really out of line to Shawn or Aki, because I was ‘just trying to help’ which for the record is the same thing the friends and strangers are trying to do for us – help!

I am thankful for this trial of infertility for so many reasons, but one is I feel like I have become so much more aware of asking people questions. It sounds so silly, but our words have power and looking around this world we never have ANY idea what people are going through. But, there are more reasons I’m thankful…..

Grace.  The free and unearned favor of God.

How many times do we say things or do things that hurt Jesus? But, what does He do? He loves us so much that He offers grace. His grace forgives us. His grace redeems us. His grace delivers us. His grace glorifies us. His grace justifies us. His grace loves us. He is grace. It’s by grace we have been saved.

Jesus is grace. In order to be more like Jesus, shouldn’t we offer grace too? Giving grace to other people is loving them unconditionally, even when they don’t deserve. If you feel like you have no grace to give, study God’s word and his unconditional forgiveness and love for you – I hope it encourages you that grace overflows from Him into us so that we can share it with others. When we offer grace, it’s not by our own merit – it’s His grace through us. 

So maybe you don’t think that the person who recently asked you when you are getting married without knowing the problems you are having with your boyfriend deserves grace, or the person who asked you why you haven’t bought a house yet even though they have no idea you are helping pay for your families medical expenses deserves grace, or the person who suggested going on a trip to get pregnant even though you travel several times a year (check – that’s us!) deserves grace.

But, they do! Because of Jesus they deserve the same grace we receive from Him daily. 

And, what does it look like when we don’t extend grace when someone hurts us or asks us that awful, painful question that reminds us that we are STILL not pregnant, or married, or whatever the situation might be? The opposite of extending grace won’t get you anywhere. If you don’t give grace it will lead you down a road of bitterness, which doesn’t hurt the other person, but instead hurts your own self.

Join me in making the daily choice to offering grace to others.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13, NIV).

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19 Comments
  • Erika B.
    Posted at 07:56h, 25 April Reply

    This is a really good point. It can be hard to extend grace rather than rolling eyes and getting annoyed, but you are so right.

  • Mrs. Lost
    Posted at 07:59h, 25 April Reply

    Grace is such a beautiful thing. I will make an extra effort to be contious this weekend. Thank you for another great post.

  • Ashley
    Posted at 08:28h, 25 April Reply

    I am a new follower and I just had to comment! This post is exactly how I raised. Always extend grace even when you don’t feel like it. And in some cases even when you really feel like you deserve to be rude to them.
    Thank you for giving this perspective 🙂

  • Cori
    Posted at 09:16h, 25 April Reply

    Such a good reminder!

  • Cheryl Smith
    Posted at 11:48h, 25 April Reply

    What a wonderful post, Caroline! So thankful for God’s amazing grace, and I am forever in awe that He extends it to me when I don’t deserve it most. I don’t think I really yet comprehend the vastness of what grace is….but I am learning! Thank you for the edifying words today. Lots of love to you!

  • jenna
    Posted at 17:52h, 25 April Reply

    Beautiful words, sweet friend! My sister went through a tough two years with infirtility, and she heard these phrases, or suggestions, all to much. It became unbearable when people would ask when they were going to have kids, not knowing of their situation.

    Anyways, thank you for sharing this. There are some things that have happened recently in my life, where I haven’t extended grace. Thank you for this reminder!

  • Amy
    Posted at 19:12h, 25 April Reply

    I have always marveled and loved the definition of grace-undeserved favor. It’s so easy to be on the end of the receiving but so much harder to be the one giving! Thank you for this sweet friend!

  • Mel @ there is a higher hope
    Posted at 19:29h, 25 April Reply

    This is just what I needed to read today! Thank you so much for always being so faithful and sharing what you have learned. Hugs!

  • Holly
    Posted at 00:09h, 26 April Reply

    This is 100% true. If we don’t have grace, we suffer from bitterness. I was just telling a co-worker whose mom just died (she was mentioning how made she was at cliché phrases) and I said grace and giving people the benefit of the doubt. I too am guilty of the StUPID phrase “you could always adopt” “at least you get to have sex (when I was single” and “you had a miscarriage at least you know you can get pregnant.” Guilty as charged. Now that I’ve been walking this journey AWHILE I realize how unhelpful these things are. This post is perfect because it reminds us to give grace AND reminds us to think twice before “helping”

  • Megan Davis
    Posted at 06:42h, 26 April Reply

    What a needed reminder! It is so easy to focus on the other person and the “insensitive” thing they said instead of focusing on myself and my responses! Jesus extended grace to all…what an amazing example!

  • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    Posted at 09:17h, 26 April Reply

    Your posts frequently cut to my soul and resonate with something I am encountering. I am doing a 30 day devotional that I got from the homemaker’s bundle; entitled; How to Manage Your Mouth. It’s a spiritually founded, Bible based study to teach us to control what comes out of our mouths. I can’t believe how often I would speak out of turn and/or say something that I would later regret and then have that regret torment me!

    But as you say, there is also the grace we receive so freely and abundantly. The more we bask in that grace, the more bearable challenges become.

    Thank you for sharing. You are such a blessing.
    xoxo

  • Evangeline
    Posted at 10:05h, 26 April Reply

    Thanks Caroline. This speaks to me on so many different levels! It really does boil down to making a decision to let our words show that we live grace out loud.

  • Charity
    Posted at 12:39h, 26 April Reply

    Great post. I was hurt by a lot of things people were saying to me yesterday and this is a good reminder to keep me from holding it against them. As much as it hurts what was done to Christ hurt more. Thanks for this reminder to share the grace God shows to me daily.

  • Bridget Meleski
    Posted at 11:15h, 27 April Reply

    Such a great post! Thank you 🙂

  • Lisa {Amateur Nester}
    Posted at 18:44h, 27 April Reply

    Yes. Extending grace is so hard sometimes, but you are right in reminding us that Christ extended us the ultimate grace.

  • jennifer prod
    Posted at 20:23h, 27 April Reply

    we had a sermon today about the four different personality types (http://fourtemperaments.com/Description2.htm) and the importance of overcoming those stereotypes by filling yourself with the holy spirit — then we talked about once we do that, we’re more able to connect with other types of people, forgiving their flaws and shortcomings, because we’ve recognized our own and we’re ready share grace 🙂

  • Megan
    Posted at 21:51h, 28 April Reply

    I was just commenting on another ICLW blogger’s post about this. One huge thing I’ve learned from being infertile is that everyone is on a journey that can be hard, and they often don’t share that journey with people (or at least with me). That means I have an extra responsibility to be gentle and kind when I interact with everyone, because you never know how your words, however innocuous to you, might hurt them.

  • Sara
    Posted at 14:57h, 30 April Reply

    Caroline this is such a great post and a great reminder that I personally could really use. It’s so hard when “helpful” ends up being “hurtful” I really try to remember that it is impossible for someone to understand without actually experiencing what I am going through. Everyone is imperfect and broken and has their own set of issues and I certainly have needed grace! Awesome post.

  • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    Posted at 08:54h, 08 May Reply

    I loved this post and I’m so glad you chose to share it on the SHINE Blog Hop.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

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